OMG MY BLOG

I was writing a grocery list and by the third item down I suddenly realized that this pen is the best pen in the world and remember feeling that same way when I was 11 collecting rubber bands off the floor in the back sorting room and I saw this pen on the desk with its cap off next to a giant Spiegel catalog. The yellow cap tip and subtle sparkle design is recognizable to me from the balcony. I always wanted a paint job like this when I got my low rider but the hair salon did not pay shit so I had to keep it black. One time Ant cut my hair like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. M. got mad because “I ruined my hairstyle” and she threw a pen at me. I took the fifty dollars. Sorry J. Your son wore MC Hammer pa nts and you wrote me up for dress code.

I know that at least the yellow plastic piece on the Pilot Razor Point Extra Fine is a little thinner diameter but they produce a pretty line weight to the Pilot Razor Point 2. I don’t mind using both (not at the same time–that is too crazy) but prefer the Extra Fine  because it feels a little smoother, reminds me of the older days and more controllable (in my opinion), as well as having a somewhat thicker line or skin on what you’re trying to communicate on paper. I feel like I have better control of my life if I do want to make a heavier or smaller line, whereas in the Razor Point 2s I’ve used, the lighter lines just look too modern and teenage and smooth and shout: “WHY NOT JUST USE A COMPUTER?!”  Well, that’s my 2 dollar bill. I owe you.

let’s face it, it’s The Teachers Are Afraid of The Pupils.

o_0 WHAT? xxx

the studio version is 10 minutes and some change LONG, so if you can last that long THAT would be great (for her or him or whatever). I dare you to try going so long.

at the end of the song Morrissey keeps singing “to be finished would be a relief” and all you have to do is agree with him (like the I know what you mean look and nod to him (also, you have to pretend he is in the room) while you are still humping). just knowing he’s in the room will buy you some time and get you through the end of the song and your sex so that, indeed, to be finished would be a relief. it’s like the new “think about baseball” but only more confusing.

it’s so ironic so say it out loud.

to be finished would be a relief
to be finished would be a relief
to be finished would be a relief
to be finished would be a relief
to be finished would be a relief
to be finished would be a relief

then, after you turn off your iHome and wash up, you can go on facebook while your partner is knocked out because you fucked for 10 mins plus. it will be fun–you deserve it.

Morrissey – The Teachers Are Afraid of The Pupils (Wembley Arena, London – 1995)

one time (well a few times) we fucked but this one time (the first time) was the last time. i get there, right, and she’s like do you want some tomato soup? and i was like like is there any animal in it and she goes no because we were both being careful. i said no by the way but she also offered me some muffins, which i took no problem because i’m nothing without my muffin.

would you fuck this?

fuck, like 10 mins later she got into some cat suit (meow) and it was crotchless. you probably think i am lying. well i am on the couch and she tells me to get down on the floor. she squats over me and this is the first time i have seen her vag. well, i can’t really see it because it’s super reggie bush. anyway, i am a good sport and don’t run away. besides, there was a month’s worth of tension building up to this very point. i wasn’t going to let a lot of pubic hair get in the way. so she puts that bush in my face like a prisoner. have you seen women locked up on ngc?

she puts a lollipop in her vag and twirls it around and keeps looking me right in the eyes. i’m not going to lie–i don’t care for lollipops or extended sexual eye contact because i will finish too soon. oh god and now she puts the lollipop in my mouth. it tastes funny. and oh god there are two pubes in my mouth now. i try not to grimace or ruin the moment for her, so i swallow them like a man.

later that night she tells me how she likes to be held so i do it. what the hell–it feels good enough to want to wake up in the same position. in the morning we shower and she tells me i have a nice body and i tell her the same thing and also add that i like her nipples. before i leave she has something written all over her face.

i try to wipe it off but it’s too late.