my blog is omg. my blog. omg.

i just realized who i have become–my d. because he would spend hours on his end down in the basement on his ham radio trying to talk to anyone else BUT me. except i don’t have a basement or a ham radio. also i make more money than him. one time he taught me how to pancake a plastic gallon milk jug between your hip and the edge of the counter. “that way,” he said, “you’ll have more room in the trash for other stuff and you don’t waste the bag.” he did that with empty pizza boxes, too. folded them so many times he could have put one in his back pocket.

he also had this computer game truck driver simulator where you had X amount of dollars to get X amount of oranges to X marks the spot. it was so boring that i eventually found his XXX box of smut. when i was 12 i gave myself a banana split while looking at man on woman anal. i even put a condom on like a frenchman.

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and before anyone came home i got on my bike and rode as far as i could to bury the evidence. i still remember the way the condom oil and smell stayed on my hands for hours. i was so sure he knew i went through his stuff but i think it was easier that way for him to stay hush–he still didn’t have to talk to me.

later that summer, while he mowed the lawn in the reeboks HIS MOM bought him, i masturbated to his sunbathing wife. right in the kitchen i was making faces like i was washing the dishes–just in case she saw me. i didn’t get to finish because her son came home for his lunch break.

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part of me thinks it’s still here ready to put us down.

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it’s probably still here.

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i think i finally figured out their purpose. i never liked “fag hag”. it made them seem so old with no purpose BUT packing double lady brains of how a man’s mind really spins and comes up always tails.  i’ve seen those fruit flies. they are a bit younger than fag hags and hip and more married and there is a red head in the group now with freckles. ANYWAY.

the gay guy surveys the room and finds the straight cute guy sitting somewhere with his friends having some midori sours. we will call the straight guy steve and the gay guy gay guy.

steve and gay guy make eyes. steve looks down so fast his eyes turn to lasers and light the table on fire. gay guy huddles up w/ his fruit flies and draws out the play on… i can’t think of any names right now. so he sends over the hottest fly in his swarm to try and get stuck to steve’s trap. it works. gay guy has sparked steve’s boner. he thinks he is getting laid by what’s her name.

then gay guy buys drinks for steve through what’s her name until steve can’t see straight. (kitty) literally. fist comes to shove and steve is now gay and no one paid his tab.

[insert pic of gay guy chalking another one up on his board. it would probably be funny.]

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hellog mesohair